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Opinion column: Twas the month before Christmas

Modified: Tuesday, Dec 18th, 2012


Twas the month before Christmas

And thereís no need to worry,

Iíve laid out a plan

To avoid all the flurry.

I passed on Black Friday

Because we all know,

Itís the sales that come later

When the prices are low.

Now three weeks Ďtil Santa

And thereís plenty of time

To put up the tree

And relax with some wine.

With two weeks remaining

Iíll get on the Ďnet,

With offers of free shipping

My shoppingís all set.

But wait, whatís this

Thereís a glitch in the plan,

My identityís been stolen

My card has been banned.

The countdown has started

But my stomach is squealing,

With ten days to go

The flu has me reeling.

The magic numberís now seven

One week to get ready,

Iíve got to get going

But my headís not all that steady.

Three days, three days

The calendar screams,

So off to the tree lot

To pick out our dream.

Charlie Brown would be proud

Of the tree that we pick,

As we arrive at our house

With a bent, six-foot stick.

All the tree lights are blown

Only a few are now flicking,

With 48 hours

The minutes keep ticking.

Tomorrow is Christmas

And I need to get hopping,

So to WalMart I drive

For last-minute shopping.

As I sprint through the doors

Disbelief fills my eyes,

The shelves are all bare

Iím starting to get hives.

The last minute crowd

Starts pushing and straining,

As the scramble begins

For the few gift cards remaining.

Itís now Christmas morn

And I donít want to get up,

But in walks my wife

And thumps my head with her cup.

The kids are all waiting,

She says with a smile,

For you to go down

And pass out the pile.

So slowly I go

To my doom I surmise,

But what should await

Is a total surprise.

There was a tree from a box,

And lights all aglow,

Presents and packages

With ribbons and bows.

What magic is this,

Can all this be real,

My wife only smiles

As the kids start to squeal.

Later that day

Alone in the kitchen,

I ask what has happened

To save me from lynchiní.

Your plan was a good one

As she hands me a beer,

But experience teaches

Christmas takes all year.

So Iím a believer

That Santa exists,

She lives in my house

Sheís my true Christmas wish.

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