Opinion column: Twas the month before Christmas

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Twas the month before Christmas

And there’s no need to worry,

I’ve laid out a plan

To avoid all the flurry.



I passed on Black Friday

Because we all know,

It’s the sales that come later

When the prices are low.



Now three weeks ‘til Santa

And there’s plenty of time

To put up the tree

And relax with some wine.



With two weeks remaining

I’ll get on the ‘net,

With offers of free shipping

My shopping’s all set.



But wait, what’s this

There’s a glitch in the plan,

My identity’s been stolen

My card has been banned.



The countdown has started

But my stomach is squealing,

With ten days to go

The flu has me reeling.



The magic number’s now seven

One week to get ready,

I’ve got to get going

But my head’s not all that steady.



Three days, three days

The calendar screams,

So off to the tree lot

To pick out our dream.



Charlie Brown would be proud

Of the tree that we pick,

As we arrive at our house

With a bent, six-foot stick.



All the tree lights are blown

Only a few are now flicking,

With 48 hours

The minutes keep ticking.



Tomorrow is Christmas

And I need to get hopping,

So to WalMart I drive

For last-minute shopping.



As I sprint through the doors

Disbelief fills my eyes,

The shelves are all bare

I’m starting to get hives.



The last minute crowd

Starts pushing and straining,

As the scramble begins

For the few gift cards remaining.



It’s now Christmas morn

And I don’t want to get up,

But in walks my wife

And thumps my head with her cup.



The kids are all waiting,

She says with a smile,

For you to go down

And pass out the pile.



So slowly I go

To my doom I surmise,

But what should await

Is a total surprise.



There was a tree from a box,

And lights all aglow,

Presents and packages

With ribbons and bows.



What magic is this,

Can all this be real,

My wife only smiles

As the kids start to squeal.



Later that day

Alone in the kitchen,

I ask what has happened

To save me from lynchin’.



Your plan was a good one

As she hands me a beer,

But experience teaches

Christmas takes all year.



So I’m a believer

That Santa exists,

She lives in my house

She’s my true Christmas wish.

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